Category: Couples Therapy

What if communication was not meaningless?

What if communication was not meaningless?

What if we all had messages to share with one another? We’re referencing each and every person. The person you cross paths within the grocery store. The person you are pumping gas next to at the gas station. Your best friend whom you’ve known for years. Your wife or your husband. Every single person we come across. What if we all have messages for one another? What if we’re standing next to that person in that long, long line for a reason.

Communication can be meaningless, but what if it doesn’t have to be? What if there is more to this chitter-chattering we have all learned to do? I grew up questioning the purpose of communication. I never understood why we stood around talking about the weather or what we ate for dinner. The conversation topics seemed non-sensical to me. I remember my mother trying to help me understand it and how to engage in others in this seemingly, socially acceptable manner. And while I gained the skill, with due thanks to my mother, I still found myself wanting to hear from people’s souls, from who they truly were not who they were pretending to be or who they thought they had to be. I wanted to have a soul-to-soul conversation. That was where the meaning was and could be found. And that, my dear readers, is where the messages are.

We’ve taught ourselves how to have the meaningless conversation or necessary conversation about the external world (plans for the day, requirements at work, etc.). What if we were to teach each other how to communicate through our souls? Consider it. If you woke up one morning, determined to only say what you truly meant to say to someone, whether it made logical sense or not, what would come out of your mouth. Here’s where I started today. My opening line to my wife, “something’s changed, and we need to figure out what it is.” Her response, “it was the winds.” Now to any other person out there, this conversation holds no meaning. But to us, it held deep and treasured meaning. One of the first days when I decided to give this message-thing a shot, to focus solely on contributing meaning to the world around me, I was strolling the aisles of the grocery store. I came side-by-side with a woman I had never seen. She said, “it’s interesting how you find the things you’re looking for when you least expect it.” I nearly exclaimed with excitement and decided to reply, “that’s it!” She had validated my entire purpose of the day. She had given me a message saying the meaning could be found anywhere, at any time. And I hoped my return message, helped her. So, I ask you, what would happen if you started listening for and providing messages? What if you allowed yourself to experience the life we can all truly have?

Couple Therapy

Meditation Can Be Simple

On the journey of finding true connection in relationship with someone else, the power of meditation can be strong, yet entirely daunting. Throughout our work and personal journeys, we have heard some individuals state that one must be specifically trained in various forms of meditation to not only teach, but to practice. This did not seem right to us.

 

It would make logical sense to teach a standard form of meditation one would need to be trained in that form, and we can respect the point of view. However, there does not seem to be sound logic behind needing to be trained to practice meditation. We have heard from some individuals who are yet to practice meditation that they cannot sit still for thirty minutes or an hour in silence with their eyes closed without suddenly being awoken by their own loud snoring. (At this point, we giggle.) Some individuals state that their minds are constantly going, like Charly Chimp the cymbal playing toy monkey, so they certainly cannot sit and empty their minds out to engage in meditation.

 

Really, meditation can be simple. One of the purposes of meditation is to be present and in the moment. This means tuning into every last detail. How does your body feel? What has your mind been focusing on? How are you feeling? What is around you, if your eyes are open? And what do you see if your eyes are closed?

 

Meditation can be for two minutes or it can be for hours. It can be sitting still, standing still, lying still, walking around, jumping, taking a shower… you get our drift. You can meditate at any time of day or night and in any location. Here’s the simple version: Call your attention to the present moment. Try to relax and release any type of tension held within your body, mind, and soul and look around you. Just be present.

 

Now, we’re going to extend on meditation to include your relationship with someone else. We raised the topic of meditation today to help others understand meditation can be utilized to strengthen your relationship with another. Here’s the simple version: Try sitting or lying down next to each other and focusing your meditation (your intent) on your relationship.

 

Your relationship is what the two of you create together, your third. Set a specific amount of time to meditate. Some individuals are helped by having meditation music playing for a designated amount of time, such as fifteen minutes. This could be doing an activity as well, like going on a hike together with the intention of meditating about your relationship or your third as we call it. A meditation with two people can be powerful, because of the intimate connection already present within the relationship.

 

After the meditation, sit with your partner and communicate with each other about what occurred in your mutual meditation. What did you find was drifting into your mind? Thoughts? Images? Moving pictures? What were you feeling? Was there complete silence? Did you hear sounds? See if you can find any points where your meditation co-existed with each other. Maybe you heard birds chirping and your partner was visualizing being in the woods. Maybe you felt a rush of positive emotion that filled you with happiness, and your partner felt the same. See if you can find the mutuality of your meditation. Your third deserves that attention. To all of the thirds out there, we support you!

Treatment Approach Being Centered

Through Finding Yourself, You Can Find One Another

Our blog has been a mish-mash of topics, as we have been discovering what we would like to share with our readers, and we appreciate your patience!

Today,

is the first day we have begun to focus on our intention for this blog.

Our work has driven us to focus on raising consciousness within individuals and within relationships, particularly with couples.

We recently wrote a book titled, Awaken Love. The book tells of Dr. Huff’s and Dr. Reyes Castillo’s long journey in finding themselves and finding each other. The book is a non-fiction about the journey of a marriage between two female psychologists. Our story is one of love. We met in the midst of chaos during our psychology graduate program.

This takes you highlights the strength we both held as individuals and the long and winding path one takes in truly getting to know one’s inner path and one’s soul. The journey, we discovered, does not end there.

The journey continues through gaining a similar level of awareness and consciousness in relationship with another, supporting the new power of love that can arise. The story tells of the beauty and cruelty of love and the lessons learned along the way. Our determination led us to learn how love was meant to be experienced, a way that society does not frequently examine or experience love. A love that we can all have, if we allow ourselves to look for it. We look forward to sharing our future writings with you about this path.

Through finding yourself, you can find one another.

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